i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
