i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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