Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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