No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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