Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we're making bets on your personal life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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