This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize