mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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