he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
