It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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