Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
