So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm jealous of your bromance
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
