She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
