apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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