Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
