just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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