Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
