I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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