90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
operation have a gay friend backfired
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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