mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
