So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
