i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
