I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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