Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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