I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
