You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
