I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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