Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
