Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
