I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
