For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
