I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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