Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
