hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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