i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
