laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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