How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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