So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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