we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
