I hate your face
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
