I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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