so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
