Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
