I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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