Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize