There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
