My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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