its not stalking. its research.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
