"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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