Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
