Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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