remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
