You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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