Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
