all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
