No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
