My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
