My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
