They should really pass out barf bags in church
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
