It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
