There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
