He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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