If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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