ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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