My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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