Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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