I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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