Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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