i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
