how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
