I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
