Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
