Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
