We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
