Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
