have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
