He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
