I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
