im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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